Well my mum always drank and I had my first drink with my mum when I was about…twelve. We used to have like ,… have on a weekend.. we would have like a meal.. a girly night and she would get a meal , a Chinese or something and we would have a glass of wine…she always just said “I would rather you did it where I could see you.” It didn’t become an issue until I moved to Banchory…..boredom was one thing, and then my mum would quite happily give me a glass of wine to help me sleep and stuff, and then when I was sixteen we went to the pub- I had been off school sick for the day and I had friends come to visit, and we went to the local bar and it was the first time I ever done Tequila.. it was with my mum..……got pretty hammered that night… but yeah…alcohol has always been massive…massive.
I think why I have always been so careful is that my family have always been drinkers and I think that it runs in the family. My real Dad is a big drinker – he died through drink driving with my uncle. My grandma died through alcoholism. My real Dad’s dad is a big drinker – he drinks every other night maybe, but he shouldn’t because is on heart medication and he has had a few mini heart attacks, and still he goes out and drinks and drives, even though he has lost both his kids through it.
And my Mum was a big issue - she was a violent drunk – a very violent drunk…. We nearly always had the police at our house – always. She used to kick holes in doors, and she was nasty – really nasty – so when I was pregnant, she was told that I couldn’t put my kids through what I had been though with my Grandma, because my Grandma was always drunk and I used to go there quite a lot after school and she was always drunk and she was always crying….and it wasn’t nice. I can remember my Grandma one told me that at Christmas all she would have for her Christmas dinner was a boiled egg…and she got so skinny because she didn’t eat. That if I wanted to give her a huggle, I would have to use a cushion between us because she was so bony it hurt.
So she was told that I couldn’t put my kid through what I had been through, so she either stopped drinking or she wouldn’t see her grandkid. And she stopped - four years this month since she has a had a drink and she has ‘found God’. So yeah, she has done really, really well……but its has definitely coloured my view on how I look at it, because I still go out and drink too much on a night out, but, I don’t drink until my kids are in bed. I think half of that is not letting my kids see me drink, and half of it is so that I am not drinking til 8 or 9 in the evening.
When they grow up I will explain to them that they come from a line of drinkers.
I mean….I drank too much. At one point when I was 18, I drank two or three bottles of wine every night. I REALLY drank. But when I fell pregnant I stopped because of the baby, and that is when I realised just how bad my Mum had got. So when I was about 7 months pregnant she got her ultimatum.
My step Dad still drinks a lot – half a bottle of vodka to a bottle a day – he thinks its fine, because it doesn’t really affect him. He’s always drunk. But it was over-shadowed by my Mum, because she got so nasty and so violent that nobody really took any notice of how much he drank. Now it’s become an issue. Everyone is on him. He has preplogic lymphona, so he has to get checked every six, because he has been told that he WILL get cancer, its just a case of when. So it feels like he is kind of speeding it up, which is hard for me because I have already lost one Dad and he’s been in my life for nearly 20 years, so its difficult to think that he probably isn’t going to last another 20 if he carries on like this.
It’s quite sad looking back on my first school book things, where we used to write what we did at the weekend and mine was always “I was with my Dad and my Grandma and we were in the pub”. Nearly every single Monday that was my entry- up until my Dad died.

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